I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
