Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
