is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
