It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
