Your mouth is God's brothel.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
