he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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