im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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