i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
