PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
