Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
