I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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