i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
