I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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