I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
