Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
