She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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