So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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