Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
