cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
