I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
