we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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