wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
