It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
