she looked like the bat from fern gully.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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