I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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