for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
