remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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