1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
