So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
