I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
