I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
