Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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