she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
