Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
