I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
