When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
