A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
