Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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