dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
