I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
