we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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