There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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