so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
