i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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