Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
