I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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