you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
