after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
