I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
