Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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